Assalammualaikum w.b.t. Good morning to you I guess my diary. It's been a long time since my last post to you. I missed writing more than ever but things have changed and time passed us so fasts.
In a few hours is my first exam. First paper of MUET, which is speaking test. It does make me cringe and gave me nervous butterflies. Even at this time, I still couldn't sleep. I was hoping time didn't ticked so fast. I'm scared to disappoint my parent, especially my mom.
It's been two weeks since I opened my books to revise. I've been nowhere but at home, and still I don't feel like studying or do anything in any matter. Everything at home is quite new for me to adapt. Everything has changed. I wish I could tell you more about what has been in my mind lately.
I know this has been a rambling story. I couldn't see things clearly. The saddest part is that I've done it again. This time at my wrist. I cut again. I was in dark place. I wish you could be there to comfort me. There have been times where I wish I could wrote to you. I don't know why but I find it more relief and comforting to me if I wrote it all down rather than talking about it. I wish somebody was there to stop me from cutting again. It hurts more on my heart rather than my wrist. The cut didn't change anything anymore. It didn't feel special treatment anymore. Maybe because I know it is wrong doing. None of y friend knows about it. I guessed I keep it really a secret or I just good at hiding my cuts. I cried so hard that night. So hard that in the morning my lid and under eyes was swollen so big. He knows about the cut. It is my fault that I did it but it is because of him. I love him so much that I couldn't bear thinking of living a day without him. Makes my heart skipped a beat and I couldn't breathe.
Growing up sucks. I'm beginning to act like a zombie. I don't go out too much now. I won't go anywhere but stay in my room every single day. I couldn't find my strength anymore. Now the cuts is healed up and left with scars. I'm ashamed of it. I wear all long sleeves now. I'm sorry to myself for maaking Jannah far away from me.
I'm gonna stop rambling. So tomorrow which is Friday, is my dinner for all seniors form 6 ESEMPI.. I've pick my dress that night. After the exam of MUET later, I'll be accompany-ing Bryan and Izwan to buy their kemeja for that dinner. And Bryan wants to get a haircut too. I'm so pumped and I can't wait for that dinner.
So lastly, that night of the dinner I might have to perform 2 songs. First is with Izah, as she asks me to join her group to sing Yuna's song, Lautan. And lastly with Mal, the song is Farewel To You My Friend by Richard something. I already downloaded it to hear it constantly to remembering the lyrics. Yes, last minute practice but I'll try my best... I hope everything goes well.
Until we meet again, wish me luck in life...
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