Hope.

It's the mid year already for 2015, and -wouh, what kind of a year for me? It's started out as quite funny and happy year that turns out to be most doomed year of all.

This year has taught me to be more quiet and silences my thoughts and fears more than I can imagine ever. I have been more careful to what I have to decide on my life. I have a big lose this year, -friends, family, trusts, money. Everyday is a struggle to fight not to cut again. I'm trying to smile tho it's not voluntarily. I've spending my days at work and at night my bed is constantly unconstant. My home is not home no more, it's been a month I didn't go back home. It's not like I never cared to be at home with my parents but being home is like torture to my mental health. I'm on the edge to cut my head off and be gone with it if I spend one more day listening to my parents conflicts -and not to mention my siblings conflicts. It's a never ending story.

I've been working at BO at Puchong for 8 months now, and I've learned so much and grown so much than I thought. Though, right now I'm looking for a new job because I can't stand being ridicule at my workplace. Friends? Yeah, but no one I can trust anymore.

Love? It had died before I could blink. I've dissapointed myself for giving up to mens so easily. I trust to much and expect more than anyone, yet this is my path and I can't change my past.

I don't know why I still can feel the pain even my heart is dead.

I STILL FUCKING CUT MYSELF.